Dear Annie: My sister-in-law of more than 40 years has again done something that I feel is disrespectful. She has taken one of my granddaughters under her wing. What’s wrong with that?

A few years ago, our then-21-year-old granddaughter moved in with us to save money. We gave her three months, rent-free, to get on her feet; her grandfather also cooked for her, without cost. She agreed to save $1,000 a month for an apartment.

She ended up living with us almost two and a half years. During that time, she could have saved around $20,000. Instead, she invested thousands into a scam business.

We were ready to ask her to move out late last year, but then she learned she was pregnant. We agreed to support her until the baby was born. She agreed she would have her own apartment before the baby came but stay with us till she went into labor.

Well, she never actually went to look at apartments. She just became belligerent and found excuses why none of them would work. Then she said: “You’re stressing me out. If I lose this baby, I hope you commit suicide.” That was enough.

We packed her stuff, put it on the porch and changed the locks. She had probably $7,000 in savings and could have easily rented an apartment.

Now, my sister-in-law, “Mayra” gave her a get-out-of-jail-free card and undercut everything we were trying to instill in our granddaughter. Mayra lets her stay with her sometimes, babysits and lets her use her address for mail.

Meanwhile, our daughter lives in a group home provided by a church she never went to, has lost her job and blames us to anyone who will listen.

I don’t want to confront by Mayra because I don’t want to implode the family, again. But I don’t want to pretend that nothing is wrong. How do I handle these two relationships, or better, how do I NOT? — Peeved Parents

Dear Peeved: You were wise to push this overgrown birdy out of the nest so that she might learn how to fly. Now, let her learn. Don’t track her from your perch up above. If your sister-in-law chooses to take her under her wing, that’s between the two of them, and it’s in no way a personal affront to you. Once you unburden of the illusion that you can control your granddaughter’s life, I think you’ll find the resentment toward your sister-in-law starting to melt away, and you’ll feel lighter for it.