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Relationships that involve friendship, love, or both are desirable and valuable. Such relationships are very important as children and as adults. Psychologists call this type of relationship Attachment. It starts as an infant because of the infant's need to be protected and need to survive. The child bonds with the parent who provides that reassurance. As we grow and develop the need to be close, comfortable, secure, and safe will be achieved through certain people with whom we have been able to bond. Those relationships are for more than survival. They are reciprocal, back-and-forth, expressions of emotion and reassurance between close friends and romantic significant others.
The actual textbook definition of an attachment bond is an enduring emotional bond that one person develops toward another, typically a parent, close friend, or romantic partner. We develop new attachment bonds as we grow from infancy, childhood, adolescence, and finally adulthood. It has been suggested that if a relationship has lasted for two years or lingers, fully developed attachment exists. A person who is supportive, is with you in a committed relationship, or is living with you, can foster the growth of an attachment bond. If you are secure with yourself the chances of developing those bonds with partners, as well as with peers increases. A person with a secure personal foundation will allow the gradual development of new relationships which can lead to new attachment bonds.
As one might expect, security in relationships can vary. Being secure or insecure in your close relationships will definitely impact attachment quality. A secure person can communicate accurately with partners, deal effectively with conflict that may arise, feel comfortable and satisfied in his or her relationships, be able to discuss difficult or sensitive issues, and control and regulate their emotions. If they have a history of early loving supportive relationships that has a lot to do with feelings of security in adulthood. Early caregiving experiences can ultimately shape how a person will develop and maintain adult attachments.
Actually, some people who have had secure childhood attachments end up with insecure adult attachments. Other people with a history of early insecure caregiving end up as secure adults. How might that work? One view is that having supportive, consistent parents helps a child develop a sense of self-confidence that is important for later social relationships. A not uncommon threat to developing secure relationships is if a child unfortunately has to deal with peers who exclude and reject him or her, confidence will surely be eroded along with self-esteem. That can impact a future adult's ability to develop secure attachments.
An adult may categorize people and have different attachment styles with people who are in different categories. He or she may be secure with a spouse but insecure with coworkers. They may be secure with women but not men. They may be insecure with their siblings but quite secure with friends.Our history of treatment by people in different categories can hurt or help developing attachment bonds with certain people in a particular category.
Your time in life can also affect the ability to make secure attachment bonds. For example, adult attachment is more consistent or stable than in the teenage years. If a person is in an established relationship the bond can also be stable. Stability has two sides. One side is that it may be pleasant to be in, but it may be hard to alter, modify, withdraw from, or to escape. You may develop insecurity in an established unrewarding or unpleasant relationship but be stuck in it.
Secure satisfying relationships with the right people will allow you to thrive. The possible positive consequences of attaining an attachment bond with the right person or persons cannot be overstated. Personal growth, emotional stability, satisfaction, self-esteem, or just being happy can be the result. Good relationships can be very helpful when faced with adversity. They are sources of help, assistance, support or strength that you may need to handle problems. We need other people in general, and we need special people to make us whole.
-- Dr. Joseph Switras
Licensed Psychologist in Fairmont