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One aspect of close relationships that is not often talked about is the balance of power in a relationship. The level of power that each possesses can help to explain at least some of how and why each partner behaves the way they do in their relationship. Power, in a relationship context, refers to how one partner is able to influence, direct, or even control what the other person can or cannot do. For example, who makes the final decisions when a choice has to be made? Which of them pushes, and has his or her needs and wants met first? Which one has to hold back on getting their needs met, or has to struggle, fight, manipulate, or sneak to get their needs or wants met? Who has to accommodate their partner to the neglect of their own wants? There may not be much discussion or negotiation about the couple's goals, direction, or how the relationship should be. The balance of power scale may be far from even. Looking a bit closer, which of the couple or group member's needs or wants are the priority? Who has to prioritize the other person’s goals before their own? Who has to give in to avoid threats or negative consequences? Which one can approach decisions and situations in a basically care-free manner because they can influence how things will go and the outcome? Which one is in a vulnerable position who is forced to put their needs second to the partner's? The more powerful one can pursue and focus on what they want without regard for the other person’s wants or needs. As the asymmetrical relationship develops, one typically gains more power, and the other one loses power. Fortunately, researchers have found that three out of four couples have basically equal shared power. Looking at that in a different way, if you take one thousand couples, that means that 250 couples’ relationships are off balance with an unequal balance of power. That is a lot of couples. Also, thankfully, the partners depend on each other, and care about each other, so most of the time the power issues can get worked out amicably. In an unequal relationship each one will attend to and respond to the partner's goals and ideas from either a high or low power status. The more one partner depends on the other, the more he or she will accommodate what the more powerful of the two wants. The dependent partner may ultimately take on those goals as his or her own. This is a survival tactic that can impact things like the goals as a couple, decisions about birth control,or even using alcohol or street drugs. It may be the old if you can't beat them, join them approach. Power imbalance does not make for a happy satisfying relationship. How can you have a happy relationship if only one of them is reaping the fruits of achievement, goal attainment, and power? When a couple shares power, that is part of a healthy relationship. When both of them can pursue their own goals, while accommodating their spouses goals and needs, that is what partnership is all about. Promoting, encouraging, and protecting both of their needs and wants is part of a beautiful relationship.