Dr. Joseph E Switras Licensed Psychologist It is not unusual to feel a bit uncomfortable around certain people or in certain groups. There may be a good reason for that discomfort based on past experience or the nature of the situation. Having significant discomfort when interacting with other people most or all of the time is a problem that can have bad consequences. How big a problem can this be? First, let’s rule out shyness. Shyness is an acute, temporary, situation-dependent discomfort that may occur when dealing with people whom you don’t know. You may expect to say something wrong, look foolish, get teased, get criticized, get rejected, or some other blow to your self-esteem. Eventually, you probably get through these self-generated expectations, get a realistic read on the other person or situation, and then be more comfortable. It’s done. For some of us, it is never done. The comfort never develops, and the discomfort can be intense, may get worse, and is always there when interacting with other people. It is a significant negative impediment to simply interacting with our fellow human beings. Psychologists have done a lot of research into and have dealt with this problem. The problem can evolve from shyness to anxiety. What is anxiety? Simply put, anxiety is the anticipation of a real or imagined threat. The first keyword here is threat. Threat is basically defined as a person’s belief that he or she is facing something or someone that may harm him or her in some way, and is dangerous. They do not feel safe and must do something to protect or defend themselves. The second keyword here is real or imagined. Real means that the anticipated threat is genuine and actually exists. Imagined means that the threat probably exists only in the person’s mind, not in reality. It is perceived danger generated by the person who feels threatened. He or she may worry and create scenarios about what unfortunate events may happen, which then prolongs the anxiety. Their efforts to protect themselves may be confusing to those with whom they are interacting.

Psychologists have two basic categories of anxiety that can be experienced in social interaction: Social Anxiety and Social Anxiety Disorder. Social Anxiety involves strong anxiousness, or even fear, in social situations. When that fear becomes intense enough that the person simply cannot function in social situations and develops a social phobia, psychologists call that Social Anxiety Disorder. A psychological disorder is basically a significant impairment in regulating your emotions, keeping a handle on what you do or say, and problematic or even disruptive, illogical thinking. A phobia is an irrational fear of something that poses no danger, but the fear can still be overwhelming.

A model of social anxiety/disorder that is frequently used by psychologists says that the anxiety starts with how a person thinks or believes that they know what someone thinks about them. It does not matter what the other person may, or may not, actually be thinking. The sad person has a picture in their own mind of what they think that the other person is thinking about them. A history of their own unhappy social past can feed into their belief that the other person has a poor opinion. The anxiety is the result of the expectation and threat of being evaluated negatively. They expect that that is the way they will be judged by other people now and in the future. Another part of this problem is that some of us have a tendency or bias to look for, or be particularly sensitive to, anything that could be interpreted as a threat. Psychologists call this an attention bias to threat, which either triggers or maintains the social anxiety/disorder. A related concept is called interpretation bias, which involves interpreting any situation that is vague, ambiguous, or unclear as threatening. This could even include the look on someone’s face that is not easily interpreted. These are just two of many tendencies or attentional biases that can result in discomfort in social situations. This little article does not even scratch the surface of this broad, debilitating psychological problem, which is actually quite common. We are social creatures who need and depend on our fellow human beings. We are not made to be or live alone. Anxiety that is triggered by interacting with other people should be addressed, and the triggers need to be dealt with and resolved.