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Dear Annie

Dear Annie: A therapist recommended that I try EMDR in order to process past traumas. It sounds intriguing and fancy, but I don’t really understand what it involves. Could you explain what EMDR is and how it works? I’m uninformed and skeptical. — Curious but Confused

Dear Curious but Confused: EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. Francine Shapiro developed the form of psychotherapy in the late 1980s. It involves asking individuals to recall traumatic events while giving themselves some sensory input such as crossing their arms and tapping their shoulders or looking from side to side. It’s often recommended for the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder. According to the American Psychological Association, EMDR “is associated with a reduction in the vividness and emotion associated with the trauma memories.” There is controversy regarding the treatment’s efficacy over other methods of psychotherapy. Ask your therapist for more information. It is your right to understand modalities of treatment before trying them out, and it’s your therapist’s job to inform you.

Dear Annie: I can relate to the situation described by “Are Obituaries Over?” the person whose friend was upset when his son’s wife didn’t put an obituary in the newspaper. My dad died four years ago. My brother was responsible for handling notification paperwork, and he refused to put an obituary in the newspaper. He said people “don’t read the newspaper anymore.” Because family tension was already on the rise, I didn’t raise a stink. I felt he was wrong, because our dad had grown up in the area and lived there all his life. My parents had moved from a neighborhood of close friends, and I think those people would have liked to have known his death. Also, he worked at the same company for 39 years. There’s many avenues from which people come into our lives. Not everyone is on social media, and many of those who aren’t would still like to know about a death. Remember, too, that people read newspapers online and might see the digital obituary. Don’t deny people an opportunity to acknowledge one’s passing because of laziness or inconvenience. — Been There and Wish I’d Spoken Up

Dear Been There: Thank you for opening up about your experience. It may spur others who are in similar positions to speak up.

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