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Mother's Day wishes

May 12, 2012 - Jennifer Brookens
Much like every other occasion, I've planned out Mother's Day: husband will tend the grill for lunch, and then my mother and I are escaping to a piano recital guaranteed to bore the husband and kids, so it's just the two of us.

Sometimes the best Mother's Day gift is time AWAY from the family!

I'll lay five-to-one odds the husband hasn't even thought of what to do for the day. Chances are late tonight (the Saturday before Mother's Day) he'll ask me what I would like... and then he'll ask, "Did you pick up a card for my mom?"

There's also the guilt trip from the daughter: "I wish I had enough money to get you a REAL NICE gift, Mom *sigh* If only I had more allowance..." Sweetie, you need to DO CHORES to get allowance.

So, partly inspired by The Stir Website, along with seeing my messy house, hearing The Boy screeching at me from his Time Out upstairs, and The Girl glued to her video game, here's some Mother's Day gifts I would love that wouldn't cost a dime!

1) Do homework without being asked more than twice - and hold the eye rolls, grumps and stomps.

2) Go 24 hours without fighting each other! We have a large house and large backyard for a reason, and both of you have a roomful of toys. Why you two always have to fight over the same silly trinket that had been ignored for the past five years until now is beyond me.

3) Eat something besides chicken nuggets or mac & cheese! I loathe spending an hour pulling together a balanced meal, only to hear, "It smells funny" and "I don't like it" the moment it arrives at the table. There is life beyond frozen pizza, kids... Just try it and humor me. (And don't even think of asking for dessert if you won't!)

4) Let the house stay clean for JUST ONE DAY! Nothing like getting a room almost picture perfect, only to find a toy chest dumped, or an "art project" exploded in it five minutes later, rendering the day's efforts obsolete.

5) Quit running up the utility bill! Don't stand there with the refrigerator door open for five minutes, thinking that a cupcake tray will magically appear instead of last night's leftovers you wouldn't eat the first time around. And how about shutting off the lights when you leave a room or when it's not needed during the day? If the kids had their way, our house could be spotted from the Space Station.

6) Sleep in. As in, don't wake me up at 6 a.m. Not even 7 a.m. Waking up before the normal alarm time on Saturday or Sunday is NOT a good thing!

7) Clean your room! Seriously, stepping on Legos with your bare feet hurts. A lot! And as much as I want to encourage my daughter's creative endeavors, I'm getting sick of having little pieces of paper stuck to my feet every time I take a step in her room.

8) Just once, I'd like The Boy not to fight me on every request: "Time to go to school." "NOOOOO!" "Time for bed." "NOOOOOO!" "Time for supper!" "NOOOOO!" "Time to make a giant mess and leave it for Mommy to pick up." "NOOOOO!" Guess which of these three actually gets done, though?

9) Not having a sharp little chin hanging over my shoulder the moment I start doing something on my laptop computer. "I just wanna hug," she'll say. But the chin stays in place, looking over my shoulder. Until I ask if she wants on the computer. Or tell her no, which goes into the five minute "Whyyyyyy?" explanation. Meaning every reason I give is returned with "Whyyyyyy?" until I give up and give in or shut it down completely and leave the premises.

And finally... 10) DO THOSE CHORES! Without the melodramatic huff, and without asking, "How much will you give me?" just to take folded clothes up to her bedroom or take the supper dishes to the sink. I asked The Girl if she wanted to ever wear those clothes again, or should I just put them out for the Epilepsy Foundation. One pile went up. Debating if that pile of clothes still sitting on the couch should go out on Monday or not...

But who knows, maybe my trio will come through for me and help me clean and straighten before Grandma comes over for Mother's Day... Or maybe the cleaning fairies will come in the middle of the night for a Mother's Day miracle. Or maybe I'll just unplug the cable and Internet to force their hand. Guess which one of these will actually work?!

 
 

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What?! You actually expect me to clean my room for free!!