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Fighting war with love
June 27, 2011 - Kylie Saari
In my parenting life, let's just say I am currently mired in wonderful world of argument mediation.
I know parents are supposed to let the kids work it out themselves. I know their yelling at each other isn't actually hurting them. And the physical blows can be dealt and taken by both kids. But as much as it doesn't hurt them, it hurts me.
And not in a "I can't stand to listen to them be unkind to each other" flowery rainbow way. More in a "I can't think an entire sentence with that racket" kind of a way.
I have tried everything from time outs, to privileged losses, to "you don't want me to tell daddy, do you?" Nothing has worked. Kids just fight when they are stuck with each other all day, every day.
But once again this weekend I was tempted to try to get them to work it out. And for one, blessed evening, it did work.
My son is usually the instigator. He is older, and likes to make loud noises, which my sensitive, lovey daughter reacts to.
This time, I laid it out. Every time boy hits, licks, or takes something from girl, she gets to kiss him on the cheek. His utter look of disgust at the suggestion told me I was on to something.
There was much giggling as she came in for the smootch, knowing she was inflicting as much unpleasantness on him as he does on her. And, miraculously, they stopped fighting. For the entire evening. I have no idea if it will work again. And probably, I should just suck it up and let them work it out, but it made for one nice evening.
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